Emily Jayne

The Playlist Videos

2011-12-16T21:29:00.000-08:00

Innovative songwriter & performer Emily Jayne brings her original music to The PlayList. She delivers alternative pop style tunes on two keyboards, backed by Travis Crotteau, Mark Glen & Tyler Dubla.

I'M ON TV MOM!

2011-12-12T23:40:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 15th 2011 at 9pm on PBS North

I will be performing live on PBS's 'The Playlist,'
joined by Mark Glen on bass, Travis Crotteau
on guitar and Tyler Dubla on drums.

Look forward to "The Umbrella Waltz," "Sweet
Escape" and "The Blue Room."

Encores Saturday at 3pm and Sunday at 1:30pm.

.

Wild Ponies: Hidden Verses

2011-10-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

Climbing on the breeze she could taste it perfectly
A buttercup drowning by the stream
Never get it right with those muddy feet confined
Lost in the tide of a shallow dream

Lost and running in streams of green
Wearing shades of palomino coloring
Beat her down and run this one free
Tied off from your mental shackling

You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You’re lost in your jeremiad
You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You rope them in your purgatory

Hope you can ride and hang on tight
(Silent and loving is a gift from the Lord)
Cause her skin is crawling from the inside
(Shame-faced and faithful is a double grace)
Bear the load of your wet feet
Suckling your insecurity

You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You’re lost in your jeremiad
You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You rope them in your purgatory

Why can't these feet carry her faster?

Control of body can’t control the mind
(More bitter than death - woman a snare)
Now she’s ready this time to cross your line
(Her heart a trap and her hands are chains)
Better get on your phone and call this one back to you
Pure antidote for your hold

You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
But you’re lost in your jeremiad
You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
Lost in your purgatory

*Silent and loving is a gift from the Lord
Shame-faced and faithful is a double grace
More bitter than death-woman a snare;
Her heart a trap and her hands are chains

He Brings Me Sugar

2011-10-03T11:51:00.000-07:00

don’t say morning’s come
don’t say it’s up to me
if I could take twenty five minutes
out of the record books

sugar
he brings me sugar

bobby’s collecting bees
and hammers he used one on me
cold war with little boys
get in with a bubble gum trade

and…
sugar, bring me sugar
and all the robins bring
bring me many things
but…
sugar, oh sugar

he brings me sugar
as far as I can tell
i’ve been gone for miles now

and you know and I know
i don’t know me very well

and I know and you know
if they found me out…

just watch, just watch, just watch what i do
sweet boy if they find you out
tell me what you think they’ll do

when they find you gotta little in here
tell me what you think they’ll do
when they find you out
when they find you out
find you

you’re such a pussy, my sweet boy
my sugar…

sugar
he brings me sugar
and all the robins bring
they bring me many things but…

Oh my God, my sweet boy
He's so sweet but we're just
Not enough hands

I'm gonna heal from this.

2011-08-14T17:43:00.000-07:00

How many times do I have to say
To get away-get gone
Flip your shit past another lasses
Humble dwelling

You got your game, made your shot, and you got away
With a lot, but I'm not turned-on
So put away that meat you're selling

Cause I do know what's good for me-
And I've done what I could for you
But you're not benefiting, and yet I'm sitting
Singing again, sing, sing again

How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
I'm gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me

How many times can it escalate
Till it elevates to a place I can't breathe?
And I must decide, if you must deride
That I'm much obliged to up and go

I'll idealize, then realize that it's no
Sacrifice, because the price is paid, and
There's nothing left to grieve
Fuckin go-

Cause I've done what I could for you, and I do know what's
Good for me and I'm not benefiting, instead
I'm sitting singing again, singing again, singing again,
Sing, sing, sing again

How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
I'm gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me

Maybe We're a Bliss of Another Kind

2011-07-24T02:39:00.000-07:00

Inevitable Withdrawal

2011-07-24T02:37:00.000-07:00

RIP Amy Winehouse

New Song: Pirate's Escape

2011-07-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Batten down your buoy and your green breeches
Then tie me a Windsor or an Oysterman’s
We’ll cast off and I’ll hold your heading
While you worry if she’s seaworthy
Is she seaworthy?

We shouldn't have sailed but you didn’t belay
Now the burdened vessel has to give right-of-way
So I trusted you to navigate
But you marooned me in a mirage that fades
Our mirage that fades

I didn’t have the time to see
That your pirates like a quick release
I didn’t have the time to see
That your pirates will just cut me free
Then make their sweet escape

Adrift in your wake when I was capsized
Where I once was wet the girls run dry
I’m washed up, crashed upon your shore
Drowning in your tide no more
In your tide no more

I didn’t have the time to see
That your pirates only catch and release
I didn’t have the time to see
That your pirates will just cut me free
Then make their sweet escape

Lost on your cockpit
I’m a whore for you
Muster the captain
And gather the crew
All hands on deck
Cause I’m bleeding blue
The sharks in the water
Now what will you do?
Will you do?

I didn’t have the time to see
That your pirates like a quick release
I didn’t have the time to see
That your pirates will just cut me free
Then make their sweet escape

(Cause you didn’t have the time to see
That my high's in cutting it free
You didn’t have the time to see
That my high’s in that numb release
My sweet escape)

While I'm on all fours
You'll make your sweet escape

Listen to scratch Audio Track

Is That All Right, Yeah?

2011-07-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

Oh, my, my, little white lie

2011-07-04T00:27:00.000-07:00

Just Like Me

2011-06-16T07:47:00.000-07:00

CD Release Party June 11, 2011

2011-06-13T14:54:00.001-07:00

Emily

Travis & Mark

Emily, Travis & Mark

Emily, Travis & Mark

Emily, Travis & Ethan

Emily, Travis & Ethan

Travis

Emily, Travis, Tyler & Mark

Photos by George Ellsworth:
Emily

Ethan

Mark

Ethan

Emily & Travis

Emily

Emily, Travis & Mark

Emily

Many CD Thank You's!

2011-06-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

I want to personally thank all the AMAZINGLY TALENTED artists who have worked on this communal project. I know I will never be able to thank you enough.

Travis Crotteau for his outstanding musical talent that continually inspires me AND for his generosity of time and space, whom without this project would NOT be alive.

Tyler Dubla for his ever-constant solid foundations that manage to keep us all grounded yet floating freely in the vast firmament. Your ability to groove in the craziest of circumstances is a talent to be cherished.

Ethan Thompson for taking the time to lay some sweettt bass that fits more perfectly than I could have imagined.

Mark Glen for going with the flow and making the songs unique with his acoustic, upright groovin' flavor.

John White for rocking out on the songs that required a true punk edge.

James O'Neill for your flexibility and coming up with a fabulous piano part;

George Ellsworth for your generous time and incredible dedication to making the song work - 'Elephants' could not have been without you. And thank you for your flying fingers on the 'creepy' keys and bowing magic.

Joy Caza for hanging in until the last minute and blowing out something wonderful.

Chris Kelly for adding your manly pipes to the songs that required a little something special.

Joey Aikens, a dear, old friend of mine. Thank you for offering to help when you know I was freaking out. You are beyond sweet! Not to mention coming up with exactly what I was imagining.

Lastly, Nicholas 'Tiberius' Gosen. You have dedicated your talents for months to this project and it is amazing because of you. I cannot thank you enough, friend. Tres Generociones in round! Now, is that everyone?!

To the many artists who created an outfit for the paper doll project that my whim wanted with this CD: Tina Gilbert (Wild Ponies,) Joy Caza (Elephants Can Fly,) Natalia Pierandrei (The Umbrella Waltz,) Kate Jorgensen (Mr. Dick,) Jill Algren (In Eve's Skin,) John White (The Blue Room,) Christine Hoberg (Skinny White Ass.)

Certainly, a generous acknowledgement to my immediate family: John, Bella and Tori. They hid away for many hours so I could record this album here at home. Taking on the task of keeping Sam and Joony quiet. No easy task! You are loved and so very appreciated.

And lastly, to the Blue Plate Fellas, who have taught me much and inspired these songs.

I am honored and delighted that all of the talented folk have taken the time to participate and come together to create this amazing work. It is truly a work of art, both visually and sonically. I am proud to put my name on it and send it off into the world. I couldn't have done this without all of your talented collaboration. Thank you!

Love, Peace, Creativity~

Emily

CD review: Jayne’s ‘Blue Plate Fellas’ is special

2011-06-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

By: John Ziegler, Duluth News Tribune

Emily Jayne describes herself as a musician, artist, writer, web designer, tattooist, raw foods chef, cook, wife, mother and someone who spends entirely too much time on the couch.

She also has a new release called “Blue Plate Fellas” that was recorded in her Cloquet home and features a kind of d.i.y. charm.

It’s a semi-jazzy stroll through a batch of original tunes that all seem to be vignettes involving everything from shady guys who aren’t what they appear to poor decisions on automobile purchases. Most involve fairly dysfunctional relationships that, if nothing else, served as fodder for future songs.

Jayne has a unique way of choosing where to place the accents in her vocal phrasing that causes me to pay attention to the syntax, like getting a rap on the knuckles with a wooden ruler. There’s a kind of sing-songy, hushed, breathy vibe as she glisses through multiple syllables in one fell swoop like Clifford Brown’s agile trumpet stylings.

Jayne has recruited a few of Duluth’s best players, such as bassists Ethan Thompson and George Ellsworth (she actually uses four bass players on the project), and even jazz-oriented Twin Cities pianist James Tyler O’Neill helps with some tasty playing. Travis Crotteau and Tyler Dubla helped with arrangements.

“Mr. Dick” is a swingin’ little tale of Little Jimmy Richard, who led the narrator on and “tore her head apart.” The saga then delves into gunplay and bang-bang; Little Jimmy Richard is dead. Fine piano from O’Neill and some lyrical trumpet from Crotteau.

“The Blue Room” deals with the sensitive topic of rape.

Jayne directs “Stupid” at herself for buying a diesel automobile in Minnesota “where it’s always

30 below,” and “Prisoner of Snow” is a swirling tale that mixes war zone soldiers, ghosts, cowgirls and arrows.

There’s a certain slight out-of-tuneness to Jayne’s upright piano that’s maybe the perfect metaphor for the whole project. It’s slightly off-kilter, but if you cock your head just a bit you can hear exactly what Jayne is driving it at.

Emily Jayne / "Blue Plate Fellas"

Genre: Pop/rock

Website: www.emilyjayne.com

Engineer: Nicholas Gosen

Personnel: Emily Jayne (vocals, keyboards), Travis Crotteau (guitar, banjo, mandolin, trumpet), Tyler Dubla (drums), Ethan Thompson (bass), John White (bass), Mark Glen (bass), George Ellsworth (bass, keyboards), James Tyler O’Neill (keyboards), Joy Caza (trombone), Joey Aikens (violin), Chris Kelly (vocals)

Upcoming gig: The Duluth CD release of “Blue Plate Fellas” is 8 p.m. Saturday June 11 at Beaner’s Central, 324 N. Central Ave. Also on the bill is James and Younger.

Cost: $5

Call: (218) 624-5957

John Ziegler has worked in the music industry for 37 years as a radio host, interviewer, record producer and professional musician.

State of Emergency

2011-06-01T10:17:00.001-07:00

Forget Your Troubles

2011-05-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

Strange Fruit

2011-05-27T09:19:00.001-07:00

Morning Rain Clouds Up My Window

2011-05-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

Tremolo

2011-05-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

Somewhere the rainbow ends, my dear.

2011-03-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

Album Artwork Sneak Peek!

2011-02-13T14:59:00.000-08:00

Emily Jayne: by Jana Peterson, Pine Jornal

2011-02-11T11:18:00.000-08:00

Emily Jayne: A woman of many talents, many names, many dreams

Emily Jayne Brissett is a woman of many talents – singing, playing piano, drawing – and a woman of many names. She goes by Emily Jayne when she’s performing. At home, she answers to “mom” most often. Her given name is Emily Jayne Brissett; now that she’s married to John White, she often hyphenates the two surnames, or simply goes by Emily White.
By: Jana Peterson, Pine Journal

Emily Jayne: A woman of many talents, many names, many dreams

Emily Jayne Brissett has known since she was a young girl growing up in Cloquet that she wanted to make a career out of music. After all, she comes from a musical family, the kind of people who actually enjoy singing out loud with each other when they get together, and who sound good when they do it. Besides, music was a necessity – ranking near the top of her hierarchy of needs.

“I started teaching myself piano when I was 14 and couldn’t get enough of it,” explained Jayne, who adopted Emily Jayne as her stage name. “I needed to play.”

Because she was in choir, she knew a little about music, but not much about piano. And there was a particular song – “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Brian Adams – that she wanted to play. So she taped the notes to the piano keys on her inherited piano and began a four-month quest to learn the song. When she’d mastered “Everything,” she moved on to Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” And so it went.

“Piano became my way of coping with things in high school,” Jayne said. “A lot of people turned to more negative behaviors – I spent many hours driving my dad crazy playing piano.”

In her senior year, knowing she wanted to go to music school, she finally enrolled in formal piano lessons with the highly respected Gretchen Chelseth. Jayne would go to lessons over her lunch break from school.

“I wanted a more regimented technique; mine was pretty loosey-goosey” Jayne explained, adding that, because she was self-taught, she tended to use three fingers rather than five most of the time. “My finger placement definitely needed some work.” It worked.

Jayne was accepted to Boston’s Berklee College of Music – founded on “the revolutionary principle that the best way to prepare students for careers in music was through the study and practice of contemporary music,” the website said – and off she went to the big city.

Almost against her will, Jayne said, her time at Berklee had an inarguable impact on her music. She went there with a rock-n-roll style and a classical choral background. Now, years later, the jazz that is such a large part of the culture at Berklee is coming out in her music.

When asked to describe her music, Jayne named her style more “jazzy-alternative rock.” Listening to various tunes on her My Space page (link to it from her website at emilyjayne.com), Jayne’s lyrics run the gamut, from wryly humorous (“Stupid,” about the woes of buying a diesel in Minnesota) to shocking (“The Blue Room,” a song she wrote after a man she went to high school with assaulted a young girl). Her voice is distinctive and melodious, with an edge to it that brings to mind Natalie Merchant (of 10,000 Maniacs fame).

“I always was emotive,” Jayne said. “Even in high school choir, the reviews I’d get back were that the “emotional content was striking.”

While not overpowering, the piano definitely has a presence as well in Jayne’s music.

Because the piano is her instrument of choice, Jayne hasn’t played many gigs in Cloquet, but she is known at Beaner’s in West Duluth (where they have a keyboard she can play) and the Thirsty Pagan in Superior (where there is actually a piano).

More than music

While music is still a primary passion in her life, Jayne has made room for other loves. First came the aforementioned John White of Cambridge, Mass., who played bass guitar in a band in Boston that Jayne signed on to sing for.

“I’d answered a flyer looking for a background vocalist,” she said. “Then, when I was home visiting, he joined the band as well.”

It was love at first sight …

basically.

“It was a little more complicated than that,” she said, offering a Mona Lisa smile and no further details.

Jayne and White had (and have) much in common. Both are musicians, although John leans toward punk, Jayne said. They’re both artists: Jayne draws amazing portraits (of people and animals) in pencil, colored pencils and now markers, while John is a talented blacksmith and, according to Jayne, can do just about anything else he sets his mind to, be it carpentry or adapting a car to run on biofuel.

There’s also a shared mindset that’s obvious once a person meets them, a kind of openness to new ideas, an engagement with the world around us.

Then there’s Star Trek.

“Yep, we’re Trekkies,” Jayne admits, laughing, after her oldest daughter mentions the family’s nightly viewings of past episodes.

While both of them miss the diversity of the Boston area, they moved back to Cloquet to start a family more than a decade ago.

Enter Isobelle, then Victoria two years later. Now the girls are 11 and 9 years old, respectively. Jayne is in her second year of home schooling them.

They learn Spanish, math, literature, GUM (grammar usage mechanics), science and go on field trips. Jayne is a hands-on teacher – otherwise they goof off, she said – but staying home also gives her time to work on her music.

While music is available to the children, neither Jayne nor White is doing a “Tiger Mother” on their kids and forcing them to play any particular instrument or join in an all-family band.

In fact, Isobelle says she hears her mother’s music only when Jayne is recording in the living room (and the rest of the family is, as White likes to put it, making like Harry Potter, going to their rooms and pretending they “don’t exist”).

“But I caught you yesterday singing the Umbrella Waltz,” Jayne teased Isobelle, explaining that Isobelle was actually humming the Emily Jayne song while doing her math.

Coming full circle

The White family (and their two dogs) live in the same house that Jayne grew up in. The back yard of the house – built by Jayne’s father, André Brissett, and mother, Shela Caza, on the foundations of an old barn – abuts her grandmother GiGi’s back yard (where André was raised). Her step-grandfather lives in the neighborhood as well. (Jayne’s parents are divorced and both have remarried, Sheila to Dwight Caza and André to Mary Joe Kozsarek.)

While Jayne is still working on that “making a living making music” goal, she does have a band now, which formed after a Facebook

posting.

“My brother’s best friend growing up, Travis Crotteau of Cloquet, is a guitarist. He responded, saying that he’d been working with a drummer from Duluth, Tyler Dubla,” she said. “It was two years ago that we started playing together.”

It’s going well, and the three of them are now working on a new CD, with the help of Duluth Playhouse soundman Nick Gosen, a change for Jayne who recorded her previous CDs on her own. Several area musicians have agreed to appear on the new CD, including Sara Softich (violin), Matt Mobley (acoustic bassist), Ethan Thompson (electric bass) and, of course, her husband John (when the music suits his style of bass

guitar).

In the meantime, she’s incredibly grateful to have been able to continue with her music.

“John’s the breadwinner of the family, so he has less time to do the things he enjoys,” she said. “Since I don’t work outside the home, I am blessed to have the time to do all the things I do: music, art, tattooing … I’ve even started a novel and had a raw foods business until recently.”

Ultimately, Jayne would love to be able to return the favor, and support her family with her music.

In a perfect world, she could combine all her talents and run a piano bar that served raw foods and featured music as well as art by Emily Jayne, with a small tattoo parlor in the corner.

In the real world, look for the latest Emily Jayne CD to appear later this year. Maybe this will be the one.

LINK

Recording Guitar 2.3.11

2011-02-04T06:36:00.000-08:00

Drums Finished!!!

2011-01-27T23:48:00.001-08:00

Tyler had recorded 6 drum tracks in our last recording session, but still had 4 to go. Nick recorded Tyler's final tracks for the new CD tonight. All the drums are now laid down! Yay!

Now for the piano, guitar, vocal...background vocal, acoustic guitar, percussion, banjo, mandoline, marimba, trumpet, trombone, acoustic bass, electric bass, keyboards/organ, saxaphone, 3rd background vocal, timpani, didgeridoo...and so on...

"Five to nine" aka:8:55

Sam settles in with Ty after a long nights work!

Recording BPF Piano 1.23.11

2011-01-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

A blustery, cold eve it was! While trying to squeeze takes in between cranking cars and whining dogs, we managed to get some great tracks on my lovely baby grand.

Courting A Madness

2011-01-21T16:36:00.001-08:00

New Etsy Items!

2010-11-27T14:58:00.000-08:00

I've just updated my Etsy shop with some new items.

Visit my shop!

21 GF Chocolate Cake

2010-11-24T16:25:00.000-08:00

EASY!!!

21 ounces pie filling (I like cherry or blueberry)
21 ounce Pamela's GF Chocolate Cake Mix (pink package)
2 eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cup water

Mix all together. Bake in 375 degree oven for an hour or until toothpick comes out clean!

Frost with your favorite frosting (or not) after cooled.

Note On Tattoos

2010-11-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

Lots of people coming to me wanting tattoos! Yay! I've just been slacking. To those peoples, I apologize. I REALLY want to do them, just finding the focus has been difficult. Keep bugging me. Keep bugging me. Keep bugging me!

Apple, INC. Won't Let Me Choose!

2010-11-11T14:56:00.000-08:00

I recently got an iPhone, if you don't know. I love it. It's great. I'm the kind of person who frequently likes to check little bits of information and therefore love to have the internet literally in the palm of my hand. (It works pretty well as a phone too. *smiley*)

As an internet user AND web designer, I'm am more than frustrated that Apple has blocked flash scripting. My current site redesign to accompany my new music CD (release date TBA) features a flash menu bar. Here is the sister site (for my artwork) with flash menu, but WILL be changed in the future:

MY ARTWORK WEBSITE

In the interest of usability, I am FORCED to reconsider this design choice. I am FORCED to change my site design. This crushes the artist in me. No more cute, pulsing menu roll-overs. :(

GF Apple-Spice Cake with Caramel Cream Cheese Frosting sprinkled with Pecans

2010-10-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

Cake:
1 1/2 cups butter (3 sticks) room temp
3 cups sugar
2 Tablespoons molasses
6 eggs
24 ounces white rice flour (one small bag) or about 3 cups flour
1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
2 Tablespoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground allspice
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 cup sour cream
1/4 cup rice milk (or regular)
6 small apples, peeled and shredded
1 Tablespoon GF vanilla extract

Frosting:
14 ounce bag caramels
1 pint (reserve 5 Tablespoons) heavy whipping cream
1 teaspoon GF vanilla extract
8 ounces cream cheese, room temp
1 cup pecan pieces

Prepare cake:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs one at a time, then molasses, sour cream, vanilla and rice milk until combined. Slowly add half of the rice flour until combined. Add spices, baking soda, salt, and xanthan gum. Add remaining rice flour until combined. Add shredded apple. Pour in greased 9X11 pan or greased rounds for layers. Bake for an hour or until tooth pick in center comes out clean. Let cool.

Prepare frosting:
Combine unwrapped caramels and reserved 5 Tablespoons of whipping cream in a saucepan over low. Stir over low heat until caramels have melted. Add in cream cheese and whisk until combined. let cool.

Beat the remaining whipping cream in a seperate bowl until stiff peaks form. With mixer on high, slowly add caramel mixture to whipped cream. Whip until combined and thick (up to 15 minutes, depending on how cool your caramel is.) Frost the cake. Sprinkle with pecan pieces. Serve with spiced pumpkin ice cream or vanilla ice cream if desired.

Too darn cute

2010-09-29T15:25:00.001-07:00

Brings out the Grandma in me.

Worth Mentioning

2010-08-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

My dream kitchen. A little french country? Fantasizing about off-the-grid living and picture a wood cookstove off to the right there. I can almost hear the rooster calling from outside that window.

Darklord

2010-08-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

In the stale air of the castle
Melted by the muted sun
I see you shadow against the bony wall.
You walk listlessly,
As if just awoke from sleeping.
You watch the town from your high steeple.
They scurry to their destinations with no time for pleasures.
Laughing at them you think it must be tiresome.
You absentmindedly direct yourself to your room.
It is dark and unconnected.
Your bed next to you,
You forget it.
Wanting never to remind yourself of sleep
While it is such a beautiful night.
You settle on your chair and wait for nothing.
Vials of red ponder on the tattered shelf.
Shadows fall upon your face
As I open the door.
The moonlight sneaks in.
Your face pale.
Blood rushing to my head.
My face flushed.
Something only you could appreciate.
I float to you and shiver.
Your lips reek of death.
I look to your eyes,
But you say nothing for the time is not right.
When will it ever me?
I walk back to your bed
And position myself ideally.
Here you come.
Your silhouette casts upon me
I will not remember.
There's no other choice.
Breath moistens my neck and touches make me tingle.
You raise your head.
Then I see your face.
Gentle.
Blameless, voiceless and generous.
Pointy teeth gleam toward me
Dripping something.

Jimmy's Arms

2010-08-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

Finally alone.
Nothing to say.
I never did have anything worth saying.
Blue-green eyes...
Why must I think of YOU
And remember everything I hate in MYSELF?
You never let down your arms.

Finally I'm lonely
And you can no longer do anything for me.
I just put my shoes on
And find comfort in my precious masochism
Alone
By myself.
You never let down your arms.

If January comes
And she comes
Alone,
By myself,
Then finally this box will be gone
After being dropped,
Then picked up.
After it rained,
And finally dried.
And after it was left,
And then remembered
Once you finally had a use for what's inside.
You never let down your arms.

Could you see me
All those nights I walked
And stood in the rain
With my arms open
Waiting for you,
Crying?
But you'd never know it.
The rain just washed my tears away
Finally landing at my shoes.
You never let down your arms.

Candy coated words.
Finally,
Dirtied kisses.
Beautiful flowers for Valentine's
That just got distracted
And forgotten like the box.
It's not the thought that counts
Anymore.
You never let down your arms.

If there's nothing I can do
Then why am I here?
Did I ask to be?
Tell me,
I forget,
Did you ask?
My shoes didn't walk me here,
But my feet hurt
From my new shoes.
You never let down your arms.

Can you hear my tapping red shoes when I play?
Watch my flying hands, Jimmy.
It's a rush like going down in an elevator
Except without that irritating music.
But eventually after I go up the stairs
And down the rushing elevator
I get sick and tired.
You never let down your arms.

When I was young,
My favorite ride was the merry-go-round.
All it does is turn you around and round.
Sometimes they pushed too fast
And I guess I fell down
I still can't seem to find my balance.
Why must my life be a masquerade?
I never used to like parties...
I guess things change, my dear.
You never let down your arms.

And that party.
That stupid Christmas party!
You remember her name, don't you?
Guess you weren't that messed up.
It seems your twin was the one
Standing in the rain
Holding my hand,
Right next to me.
Waiting.
Hey! What are best friends for?
Funny.
Mine seem to like Jimmy's bed.
You never let down your arms.

And what am I supposed to do?
Sit with my red shoes
And wait for you to call?
...You remember her face but not her number.
And now all you remember is her voice
And her breath,
But nothing she has said.
You never let down your arms.

I can't stay any longer.
I'm being dropped and rained on and forgotten.
And I'm lonely and crying
Finally, this time,
ALONE in the rain.
I'm sick of promises,
And elevators,
And this fair with my merry-go-round
And all that annoying circus music.
"Sorry ma'am. We seem to have lost your safety net."
Maybe you could've caught me.
You never let down your arms...
Guess you were waiting for something else to catch.
You missed me.
Somewhere, there,
In your parade
I mistook the ideas you spoon-fed me.
I guess I mistook the offing of your pants
For the offering of open arms.
I'll just put on my red shoes for playing,
Lay back and show MYSELF another way.
You never let down your arms.

Will you hold my shoes for a moment?
I'll try and remember I left
That box there
With the little red playing shoes on it.
I'll be back in a minute.
I have to go see if he's still out in the rain, waiting.
Oh! There he is.
This time I'll take his hand
And let our arms down.
Funny.
You never let down your arms.

GF Dark Chocolate Cake with Salted Caramel Cream Cheese Frosting

2010-07-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

GF Dark Chocolate Cake
1/2 cup Bob's Red Mill GF Pancake mix
1/2 cup tapioca flour
1/2 cup white rice flour
1 cup cocoa powder, sifted
2 teaspoons xanthan gum
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 sticks butter at room temperature
3/4 cup (packed) dark brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
4 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups buttermilk (or sub 1 1/2 teaspoon white vinegar with 1 1/2 cups milk*)

*I used a whole large can (1 1/2+ cups) of evaporated milk.

Directions
1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 9x13 inch pan and set aside. If using milk and vinegar, pour milk in cup and add vinegar. Let rest until ready to use.
2.In a medium bowl, sift together the pancake mix, tapioca, and rice flours with the cocoa powder, xanthan gum, baking powder, and baking soda.
3.In a large mixer bowl, cream the butter until light and fluffy. Slowly beat in the brown and white sugars; whip until fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time. Add the vanilla. On low speed, alternately combine the buttermilk with the flour mixture. Pour batter into prepared pan. Batter will be loose, like pudding. Let rest for 20-30 minutes and it will thicken. (This is an excellent time to mix the frosting!)
4.Bake in preheated oven for 30 to 35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Cool in pan.

Salted Caramel Cream Cheese Frosting
1 1/2 sticks butter
3/4 cup light brown sugar
1 stick butter, room temp
8 ounces cream cheese
coarse salt, such as himalayan sea salt

Directions:
1.In a sauce pan, melt 1 1/2 sticks butter, sugar and one tablespoon water and let caramelize over high heat, stirring constantly.
2.Remove from the heat and add cream cheese. Whisk until incoorporated. Beat with mixer until smooth. Add remaining 1 stick of butter 1 tablespoon at a time until thoroughly mixed. Let cool at room temperature and spread on cooled cake. Sprinkle coarse salt on top of frosted cake. Refrigerate.

--------------------------------------------------

It fell in the middle a little, but you could shave it down to even it out or frost more heavily in the middle. ;) Or just roll with it like me!

For you non-gluten free folk, perhaps try 1 1/2-2 cups flour. Cake flour would be awesome!

Unplugged at Norshor, Duluth, Minnesota

2010-06-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

Gluten Free Baking Day

2010-06-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've been perpetually hungry this past week. I also have several days of 5 kids in the house (along with a new kitten, until someone adopts her) which leaves me little time for food preparation. Yesterday, I cleaned the kitchen only to fill it with just about every last dish and utensil I own. I made GF broccoli cheese soup. Two strawberry rhubarb pies; one with fresh strawberries and green rhubarb from my garden and the other with the neighbors red rhubarb and strawberries from out CSA share. THEN I made a gluten free pizza crust topped with turkey pepperoni and sausage, mushrooms, black olives, onions and green pepper. YUMMO! I made two non-GF pizzas for the rest of the fam; one like mine for John and one with just cheese on half (for Victoria) and one with cheese and meats (for Isobelle.) Now the fridge is crammed with GF food to sustain me through the next crazy, kid filled days!

♥

First Cities Gig!

2010-06-18T06:01:00.000-07:00

I will be solo-ing it at Acadia Cafe in MSP tonight June 18th at 9:30!

New Song: Skinny White Ass

2010-04-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

Skinny White Ass

He gave me his number
And a wink shot bright to my face
Said I could use him anytime
How I pleased

Then he’s holding a tinny
And I’m holding my breath
First time I got rotten
Better find me a cigarette

Cause I want this like mad
Tell myself it goes to my head
Not gonna fall for another too fast
Not another skinny white ass

Clock’s whispering 1 a.m.
Thoughts climb ‘round in our heads
I’m relishing union
While he dreamt of Marianne

This lust I received like a
Swift kick in the teeth
They’ve gone flying rockets
So much for fidelity

Cause he wanted her like mad
Told myself she’ll go right to his head
Not gonna fall for another too fast
Not another skinny white ass

No worries
You’ve got this one, Ace
Now bugger off
No worries, Ace

Now I’m starting to wonder
Lost in his avocado chair
Does this boy get lonely?
Is that why I find myself here?

But he tasted just like sunshine
From that down under land
Seduced all good intentions with
His sweet sunburn hands

Cause I wanted him like mad
Tell myself he goes to my head
So I'm not gonna fall for another so fast
Not another skinny white ass
Skinny white ass

New Song: Nicotine

2010-04-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

This song came alive because of the Beaners challenge, writing to a prompt: priorities.

Nicotine

I once met a guy
Up in a winters tree
Couldn’t make time for me
As far as I could see

Cause he had trapped a
Flying ballerina
In his icy bough cause he heard
She’d dance for a fee

But I wondered what if I became that woman somehow?
And I wondered what if I let the woman down?

But is she free if she’s addicted to nicotine?
But is she free is she’s a woman in need?

She waved hi to me
Pleading “Couldn’t you set me free
Cause I’m afraid I’m in danger of
Falling from his tree.”

So I punched the guy in the nose
Can’t believe that she chose
Running from the clutch of
His solid frame

And I wondered what if we knocked him to the ground?
Then I wondered what if we couldn‘t find a way out?

But is she free if she’s addicted to nicotine?
But is she free is she’s a woman in need?

So we ran hand in bloody hand
This broken window now where we stand
But looking in there was only
A reflection of me

Freezing cold, we sisters had ran
Addicted to a man, fast as we could
Then the mouth of our ghost spoke
“Hey, can I bum a smoke?”

How can she be free if she’s addicted to nicotine?
How can she be free is she’s a woman in need?
How can she be free if this is her priority?
How can she be free if she’s addicted to nicotine?

Did Make Homegrown...!

2010-03-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

Sort of did make it into Homegrown afterall... Playing the Homegrown Film Fest Kick Off Party at Hellburgers! We are VERY honored to be asked to play!!! It should be a great time.

ABOUT:
You have two weeks to make a farm fresh homegrown music video from a certified homegrown band song drawn at random from a beautiful top-hat.
Kick-off is April 15th at 8pm at Hell Burgers.

We're on at 9pm!

Homegrown Music VIDEO Festival

Our First Full Length Gig: Beaners

2010-03-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

We had an awesome time at Beaners this past Friday night! Here's a few shots from the night.

3 Libras

2010-03-17T01:32:00.000-07:00

So it's taken me a while to jump on the APC bandwagon, as I have resisted. Then I thoughts to meselfs "I love Maynards voice so much, why not give a listen to some of the other stuff that's out there." (Unfortunately, this does not apply to Puscifer, but I love his head bopping interview.)

3 Libras Video
Threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back,
A name in your recollection
Thrown down among a million same
Difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed,
And passed over
But I look right through
To see you naked but oblivious...
But you don't see me
But I threw you the obvious
Just to see if there was more behind the eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy
Here I am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded
But I see, see through it all
See through
See you
Cause I threw you the obvious to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel Eyes of a tragedy oh well
Oh well
Apparently nothing
Apparently nothing at all
You don't see me
You don't see me at all

LIVE Tunes Online

2010-02-19T08:47:00.000-08:00

You can check out our live radio (VERY FIRST) performance and interview online. KUMD; Emily Jayne.

Trav, Tyler and I recorded some live versions of three songs we've been working on. Not perfect but thought all you peeps might like to listen. Check 'em out.

♥

2009 Beaners Songwriting Competition

2010-01-29T07:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know it's old news. So last year. But Christa Lawler (Duluth News Tribune) was at the 2009 Beaners competition and I hear is the wonderful lady who recommended me for the "Ladies We Love" event that happened last night. I did a little searching, and she did a write up about the songwriting competition last year. Here's what she had to say:

Jill Zimmerman, a young musician from St. Paul, won the Singer/Songwriter Competition on Wednesday at Beaner's Central. She was one of two performers to bust out some music on a keyboard, and then performed her second song on guitar. Her style, lyrically, has a sort of stream-of-consciousness to it. She a little poppy, a little folky, really fun.

There were 16 performers, and they played two songs each. They were judged on Lyrics, Melody, Stage Presense and Originality. (I was a judge. My second songwriting competition in a month. So fun. Although I'm an erratic judge with little rhyme or reason to what catches my ear from minute to minute).

Lance Benson was the runner up. He's got a bit of an alt-country folk sound and seemed pretty comfortable on stage. Third place was Emily Jayne of Duluth, who went Tori Amos all over the keyboard. She was fantastic. Totally reminded me of one of my favorite musicians/celebrities/people to follow on Twitter, Amanda Palmer of Dresden Dolls.

The People's Choice Award went to a fine, fine young guitar player, Lucas Ollanketo. It looks like he is from St. Paul-ish area. He brought about three rows of entourage with him to the show and got a lotta love from the audience.

Ladies We Love

2010-01-29T05:13:00.000-08:00

The "Ladies We Love" show at Teatro Zuccone was absolutely amazing. All the musicians (yes, there were a few men thrown into the mix) were superb. The stage (sound) was excellent, the audience was involved and the whole vibe from the night was wonderful. Thank you everyone for a wonderful experience: Charity Huot, Rachael Kilgour and Adeline Wright, Sarah Krueger, Sara Softich, Jerree Small, Kathy McTavish, Crystal Pelkey, Travis Crotteau, Tyler Dublah, Matt Mobley & the many various support staff.

Some candid photos.

Performance Dates

2010-01-27T12:40:00.000-08:00

Newsletter forward:
Hello all!

I just wanted to send out an email to let you know of some up coming events. I have been very fortunate to be working with two very talented, generous guys: Travis Crotteau (guitar) and Tyler Dubla (drums.) Some of you may know Travis has been friends with my brother for years. I posted a message on Facebook about wanting to record my newest tunes with a drummer and guitarist and the rest is history! We've put recording on hold for the winter, but wo do have a few shows lined up:

Thursday January 28th
2pm KUMD radio interview and performing 3 songs

8pm "Ladies We Love" performing 3 songs at Teatro Zuccone, Duluth; Featuring Charity Huot, Rachael Kilgour and Adeline Wright, Sarah Krueger, Sara Softich, Jerree Small , Emily Jayne, and Kathy McTavish

Friday March 19th
8pm Beaners Central, Duluth (full set)

Hope to see you soon.

With love,
Emily

Some Progress...

2010-01-25T12:10:00.000-08:00

The band has been picking up momentum and I'm trying to hang on. Yip! We're haulting the recording process - just for the time being. The hazard of recording in a garage in northern MN. Can't have the heater running, because it's loud and you don't need that gumming up your tracks. But no worries. I'm totally motivated to get some tracks down!

We've got a couple gigs lined up. Check my FB or MySpace for the dates. We've been asked to do a couple, so that's wonderful. I hope my tunes with the band are well received! It's how I've always envisioned them. I am so fortunate to be working with two very talented, generous men: Travis Crotteau and Tyler Dubla.

Rockin.

Christine Hoberg at Beaners 12.26.09

2009-12-24T06:39:00.000-08:00

With this weather we'll see if everyone can make it, but we (guitarist Travis Crotteau and I) have great last minute plans to play with Ms. Christine Hoberg this Saturday evening at Beaners Central in Duluth. I hope she can make it in from New York!

Little Bird

2009-12-18T06:21:00.000-08:00

More Paper Doll Sketches

2009-11-29T10:04:00.000-08:00

Here's all the sketches that are in so far. They are all perfect! Some people took them further than I expected, but that's wonderful! Thank you all!

These first two are from artist Natalia Pierandrei for the song "The Umbrella Waltz." See my earlier post on how it came to be. She's completely amazing and my favorite artist right now.

This girl in the red dress is done by my friend Kate Jorgensen (formerly McCullough) for the song "Mr. Dick." With the dress, she totally nailed the 20's vibe of the song.

This beautiful bare woman is a picture of Eve in crazy dreads done by my raw food friend Jill Ahlgren for the song "In Eve's Skin." Awesome.

Next is the first sketch I recieved by my friend Tina Gilbert for the song "Wild Ponies." I love the riding outfit. Sad to say, for how obvious it is, I never would have thought of that. She also has a gown on the lower part of the paper. The paper was a oversized piece of "where's waldo"-like book. Perfect! Too funny.

My wonderfully talented sister Joy Caza has created this drawing for "Elephants Can Fly." She managed to wrap the costume up so as you can't tell which side I'm flying for, just like the song. (As a side note, if you'd like to know which side I'm on, just ask. *wink*)

This painting was done by my amazingly talented husband John White for the song "The Blue Room." He comes from the punk era, and it shows but I love that his personality is in the costume so completely. He was the only one I trusted with this song. I feel a little bold for writing it and playing it, but the arrangement the band (Travis Crotteau and Tyler Dubla) has come up with has blown me away more than any of the arrangements for the CD.

A few more sketches to come... Thank you all!

Prisoner of Snow Drum Recording

2009-11-25T14:53:00.001-08:00

Last Sunday we made some more progress on the recording on the new CD. It was a little cut and paste, as Tyler was forced (by me) to play toms in the bridge, but he wasn't exactly feeling it. The recording equipment always fights us, but I'm sure every musician who has recorded feels the same cloud looming over. I'm excited to be making more progress.

Photos by Wanda J Pearcy

2009-11-20T16:19:00.000-08:00

Here are some wonderful shots taken by the very talented Ms. Wanda Pearcy at the Beaners Songwriters Competition this year. There are albums for all the musicians on her site, so check em out! Here's the link to mine!

Paper Doll Sketches

2009-11-05T12:51:00.000-08:00

I thought as long as these ladies were posting it, I would make mention of it here. As you may or may not know, I've asked some friends to participate in the artwork for my next album (title TBA.)

First up was from my new friend Tina Gilbert. She dropped off a sketch to go with my song "Wild Ponies." It is an adorable little riding outfit. I will post a pic soon! I thought to ask her because she's an amazing seamstress!

My sister Joy Caza did a drawing for the song "Elephants Can Fly." She completely captured the whimsy. Again, no photo online yet. Sorry!

A week or so ago, I received one from a friend going way back, Kate Jorgensen/McCullough. I asked her to come up with an outfit for the song "Mr. Dick." She came up with a fiery, strong woman blazing guns at the viewer. Amazing. Check out her drawing at Kate's Blog.

Natalia Pierandrei is a talented artist that I've been watching over the months. I first found her works on DeviantArt and continue to be amazed by her style. So............I put on my bold hat and emailed her asking if she would be interested in participating in creating a drawing for the upcoming album. Through the emails with her, I have come to regard her as a very sweet, generous person! She has come up with two incredible sketches for my song "The Umbrella Waltz." Check them out at Nati's Blog.

Drums Recorded! Maybe...?

2009-10-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

Travis working on the setup. Got it working!

Recording innards in the garage.

Tyler's first and only take. Chilly last night.

All Dolled Up!

2009-10-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

Curlers and eyelashes.

Recording The New Album: Day One!

2009-09-21T06:09:00.000-07:00

Okay folks! So if you're out of the loop, I'm working on a new CD. No title yet, but the songs are all finished for my part (writing them) and now we're on to recording/arranging/whatever else needs to be done. Here's a few snapshots of recording: day one. Nothing too exciting probably, but it's wicked exciting for me! We've got Tyler on drums, Travis on guitar (and whatever other many instruments he plays that we can work onto the album) and this particular night, we had Derek working on mics and recording. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a sound/tech guy?!

Maybe he'll hate me for that, but you gotta have a shot of the drummer with a smoke hanging out of his mouth!

Night one = the computers fight back! The boys try to puzzle out the many complications of the set up. That's after the first computer decided it wasn't going to play along.

Fortunately, I'm blessed with nothing but optimism.

Beaners Songwriters Competition

2009-09-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

Hey all! Just wanted to let you know the Beaners Songwriters Competition is coming up Wednesday Sept 23rd. I will be playing a couple original tunes there! This will be my third year doing the competition; last year I managed to win People's Choice. Hope you all can make it - should be an awesome night!

Siren Song

2009-09-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

Love this song that a new friend lead me to. The toms at the end are rockin. Check it out guys:

Duluth Goes Raw: Un-cooking with Local Ingredients

2009-09-02T06:36:00.000-07:00

Teaching a raw food class on Thursday night! Sign up if you wanna check it out!

Duluth Goes Raw: Un-cooking with Local Ingredients
Instructor: Emily White
If you’re joining us for our Locovore Challenge (and even if you’re not), this class will give you some exciting local recipes to try…and they’re all raw! In this class we will make Living Chili, Crispy Salad with Raw Corn Chips, Basic Greens Juice, and Crepes with Maple Apple Filling. Vegan and Gluten-Free.

Thursday, September 3, 6:00 – 8:00 pm

The Art of Natalia Pierandrei

2009-08-18T04:52:00.000-07:00

Wow. I've recently found artist Natalia Pierandrei. She's absolutely amazing! What an inspiration - working in markers, which is no easy task if you've ever tried. ;) Take a few to check out her works.

New Song: The Umbrella Waltz

2009-08-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

The Umbrella Waltz

Say missy, you’ve got a bit of sunshine
He left in your eyes
If I’m not mistaken
It’s a glare I too well recognize

I was feeling like princess Diana
Laying there in his arms
But I brought my waltzing umbrella
To shade all the princes charms

I thought all boys were made of sunshine
Built to wash away all the rain
Keeping me dry so that I could put my umbrella away
The storm clouds are rolling over
Where’s the mermaids tail
When the rain washes her heart away?

I invited him just for one night
How could I expect him understand
How I wear my heart
Like a caged bird in my hand?

I watched as he rushed through my door frame
Leaving me this phenomenon
Empty hands and swiss-made shoes
Cause our waltzing days are gone

I thought this boy was made of sunshine
Built to wash away all the rain
Keeping me dry so that I could put my umbrella away
His storm clouds are rolling over
Where’s my mermaids tail
When the rain washes his heart away?

I keep hiding like this, swimming downstream
Going under, fighting to breathe

So I can take this matter into my own hands
Lucky me - cause I have two!
So tell me, Mr. Cool Cat
Which hand do I use?

I thought you, boy, were made of sunshine
Built to wash away all the rain
Keeping me dry so that I could put my umbrella away
Your storm clouds are rolling over
Where’s my mermaids tail
When the rain washes my heart away?

On The Hunt

2009-07-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

1. I almost have a CD's worth of songs.
2. I'm not sure how I'll record them - I'd like to have a full band.
3. My current website has been up far too long, and I ripped it off anyway, so time for a new one.
4. Looking for a vibe to go with the new music/website. Came across a site where you can have your design printed on fabric at Spoonflower.com
5. Coolness.

More Company with Pages

2009-07-20T14:38:00.001-07:00

I've been reading Cathy's Book and Cathy's Key by Stewart/Weisman/Brigg. Kinda neat with all the illustrations on the pages. From an artistic point of view, I enjoyed it. Also just finished William Kent Krueger's latest The Devils Bed. I like Cork O'Conner, but the new character was pretty likable too! A few months ago I read the Twilight series in about 3 days. I enjoyed them too. It was nice to have a quick read (for an adult anyhow) with characters I found myself caring about...

Wild Ponies

2009-07-20T14:34:00.001-07:00

This is a rough draft of my new tune Wild Ponies (oh, and I should say that there was a little influence from Tori Amos "Fast Horse" but I tried to not rip it off completely - the tunes are completely different. :)

Climbing on the breeze she could taste it perfectly
A buttercup drowning by the stream
Never get it right with those muddy feet confined
Lost in the tide of a shallow dream

Lost and running in streams of green
Wearing shades of palomino coloring
Beat her down and run this one free
Tied off from your mental shackling

You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You’re lost in your jeremiad
You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You rope them in your purgatory

Hope you can ride and hang on tight
Cause her skin is crawling from the inside
Bear the load of your wet feet
Suckling your damned insecurity

You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You’re lost in your jeremiad
You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
You rope them in your purgatory

Why can't these feet carry her faster?

Control of body can’t control the mind
Now she’s ready this time to cross your line
Better get on your phone and call this one back to you
Pure antidote for your hold

You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
But you’re lost in your jeremiad
You’ve caught yourself some wild ponies darling
Lost in your purgatory

Elephants Can Fly

2009-05-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I've been totally inspired by "my dear county" by Norah Jones. I loved the idea behind her song, so I took the essence and ran with it. I think all these months of listening to political bands, such as Flogging Molly has surely been an influence as well. So here's my first upfront political song.

It’s Halloween night
That’s a sure scary sight
Keep your eyes shut tight
No telling what it’s gonna be like
Little devils are out
Gone hunting tonight
And mothers will cry
The poison comes from inside

A predator
Of the worst kind
And try as I might
I just can’t rest my head tonight
Cause 3 days have gone
And the race is on
“You vote for what’s right,
but I’ll take what ain’t mine.”

And the mission is for submission
Euphoric donkey ride
And the intention we just won’t mention
Cause elephants can fly
On election night

Who can explain
Where were are today?
No anchorman could tell
How this card would play
I just wanted to shake
Somebody sane
When they called out his name
Sure hope he’s not deranged

It’s a nasty time
When the big boys fight
Over candied words
That widen our divide
We just trust in them
Sure they can decide
But he wants to be king
Put the commander aside

And the mission is for submission
Euphoric donkey ride
And the intention we just won’t mention
Cause elephants can fly
On election night

Tell you what
I’m sure glad I can say
That I don’t like the way
He plays this game
Guess my freedoms sound
It can’t move with all their might
Even if I sing this song
About election night

And the mission is for submission
Euphoric donkey ride
And the intention we just won’t mention
Cause elephants can fly
On election night

Various Written Works

2009-04-30T08:19:00.001-07:00

More reading occurs, due to low energy, concentrated pain and a general fog, inside and out. Here's what's been keeping my company while I'm planted on the couch:

The Essential Green You; Deirdre Imus
Crafting Log Homes Solar Style; Rex A. Ewing and LaVonne Ewing
The Bone Series; Jeff Smith (Graphic Novel; read 3,4 & 5 yesterday)
The Edible Woman; Margaret Atwood
Mercury Falls; William Kent Krueger
Book Of Shadows, The Coven & Blood Witch (The Sweep Series;) Cate Tiernan

Mixing Made Easy

2009-04-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Most people think mixing is complicated. It's really not. Most pros (myself included) like the fact that there's an air of mystery surrounding what we do. It makes us look smarter. It also allows us to charge more money. But, let's face it. It's not rocket science. It's really just the practical application of basic physics, a little bit of psychoacoustics, and a pinch of good taste.

The best way to learn anything is to copy the masters. Listen with headphones. Listen with nobody else around to bother you. Shut your eyes.

Take a blank piece of paper and diagram what you hear. Draw a head in the middle of the page (bird's eye view). Listen for the kick drum. Where is it? Dead center? Great -- then draw a little box near the center top of the page and write "kick drum," in it. Snare Drum? Same deal. Bass guitar? Also down the middle. Piano? Low notes in the left ear. High notes in the right. Isn't that remarkable? The piano's laid out just as if you were sitting at the keyboard. You're starting to get the idea.

Most mixers will mix their instruments from the perspective of the listener or the perspective of the player. I mix from the player's perspective. In other words, my drums are panned with the high tom on the left and the floor tom on the right.

When you shut your eyes, you should be able to visualize an aural "landscape." It's like standing near a mountain lake in Colorado. In the nearfield you would find the grass you're standing on. In the semi-nearfield you'd find the lake. In the distance, a stand of pine trees on the other side of the lake. To the far left, a patch of aspen trees. On the far right, a small row of mountains. And far beyond the lake's opposite shore, a majestic mountain range. Each of these items has a space within the landscape, and together they make up the whole picture. Mixing is just like that.

Let's take a look at an imaginary track for a pop/rock song. The kick drum, snare drum, and bass should all be down the middle, and should be the most predominant elements in the mix with the exception of the lead vocal. The bass and drums form the song's feel or groove. If they're mixed correctly, you're already half way home to a great mix.

Start with the kick drum. Adjust your mix monitor level to where you normally like to listen. Bring the kick fader up to a point where it kicks the mix bus meters (the console's stereo output) up to -3db VU. I like to work with VU, not peak meters. Peak meters are for wussies. Add a little 2.5 K for attack if you need to. Roll off a little 300HZ if the kick is a little tubby in the lower mids.

Bring up the bass guitar fader until the bass becomes a cohesive unit with the kick, and the two of them seem to hit you in the chest. Now add the snare to the mix. Bring it up to a level that rivals, but doesn't exceed the level of the kick and bass. Add a little plate or room reverb to the snare. Try a 1 second decay time for starters. Adjust to taste.

Bring up the toms and overhead tracks. Keep them panned so that the cymbals on the left side of the kit are panned to the same side of the mix as the high tom. The mid tom should appear don the middle, and the floor tom and cymbals from the right side of the kit all appear on the right. If your toms sound like cardboard boxes, try adding a little bottom, rolling off some 300-500HZ in the lower mids, and adding a little top end to give them some crack (not that kind! You've got a sick mind). I don't bother with a hi-hat most of the time. Someone once told me that it usually takes care of itself, and remarkably, it does!

Let's add the guitars next. First, the electric. Pan it almost full left. Take a short delay from the guitar and pan it almost full right, but a slightly lower volume. Your brain will tell you that you hear a big, wide guitar that appears mostly on the left side. Pan the acoustic guitar to the right. Add a little harmonizer to it. Detune it one cent. Pan it to the left. Result? A big, wide acoustic guitar that cuts through the mix, but doesn't require more volume to do it. That's the secret. By careful thought and panning, you can have a full mix that doesn't compete within itself.

Let's add the piano now. I usually pan it as if I were sitting at it, but if the guitar on the left is playing in a lower register, then I don't pan the low end of the piano there as well. They'd compete for space with each other. In this case, let's assume it's okay to pan the piano to nine o'clock for the low end and three o'clock for the high end. By using a stereo compressor set to a fast attack and slow release, you'll make the piano "tinkle" a little more on the top end, and "growl" a little more on the low end. Hence, you'll be adding another instrument, but once again, it won't fight for space.

Time to bring in the background vocals. Let's make the assumption that we have two tracks of group vocals -- three voices in each stack. Let's make them sound like the Eagles. Pan one group far left, and the other hard right. Suck out some lower mid-range to make them sound airy and angelic. See? Just like the Eagles. OOPS -- better add some stereo reverb. A nice plate sound with a 1.5 second decay ought to do it. there you go. Eagles.

And now for the big kahuna -- the lead vocal. Piece of cake. Slam it right down the middle. Make it loud. It's important. Treat it as such. This year, the pros seem to like their lead vocals dry -- so you can eschew the reverb if you'd like. If not, try a little plate or chamber on it. Again, keep it short for most types of tunes. You can also try a little delay on the lead vocal. It will make it more apparent without adding volume.

That's one of the real tricks to mixing. Making instruments easy to find in the mix, but without using volume to do it. Eq can be a huge help in that department, but it takes time to understand what eq does to individual instruments, and how it affects a whole mix when the instruments are all added together.

The mix I described above is rudimentary, but it will help you get started. Use the formula over ad over until you master it and you mix sounds great. When you can get it to sound great at the drop of a hat, then, and only then start experimenting. As with most disciplines, practice and experimentation are the keys to success.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

During Michael Laskow's 20-year tenure as an engineer/producer, he worked with Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, Eric Clapton, Cheap Trick and countless others. He continues to write articles for magazines like Recording and Electronic Musician. He's also the founder of TAXI, an independent A&R company that links record labels with unsigned artists and songwriters. Taken from http://www.audio-recording-center.com

Reading Materials

2009-04-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

Just finished reading Flowers in the Attic, by V.C. Andrews. I loved it! I also recently read Iron Lake and Purgatory Ridge by William Kent Krueger. I'm enjoying that series as well.

Sam's Altered Vision

2009-04-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

Our doofus Sam. *shakes head* He greets the day by shaking his head. What dog doesn't?! ;) Turns out his morning routine is getting him in trouble. He's going blind? No, just tunnel vision caused by an elizabethan collar. Early last week we found a smallish hematoma on his left ear. We called the vet promptly and consulted on letting it heal naturally. They said that was a fine course of action. Well, things were going mostly well. He was not bothering it one bit, but he knew not to rough house with Joony. Sensible dog, right? Saturday it blew up like a balloon. Sunday it got hard as a rock. We brought him into the vet Monday morning (yesterday) and he needed to have it drained and a tube put it so it could keep draining over then few weeks. Needless to say, he's not liking the cone too much - it's his first time.

My First Interview with Freedom One Radio

2009-04-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

So I spent a bit of morning chatting with Jared Skye of FreedomOneRadio.org. It's my first interview as a musician. I'm very excited. Jared was great. I've known him casually for a few years now, from back when we both would play at Beaner's Central in Duluth. The questions were nothing weird, and other than being a titch nervous, I am very pleased with the end result.

You can listen to the interview at FreedomOneRadio.org Thursday, April 16th, 8:00 pm, or any listen any other time of course!

Thanks again to Jared. You rock!

In Eve's Skin

2009-04-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

Finished my new song today. John says it sounds like "Jammin", by Bob Marley played by Tori Amos. Haha. I didn't take influence from his song, but surely am not insulted.

This was inspired by a conversation I had with my friend Hope, as she told me about a conversation her family had about girls being too quick to throw out reason if a boy pays attention to them. :)

In Eve's Skin

Bird found an apple in a garden
But the meat is forbidden
All the curves hung from the saplings
Suddenly found herself famished

Serpent crept on Birds shoulder
“I know this cool cat,” he told her
“Pure and curious just like you.”
But she desired for a stranger fruit

“Eat from this, I insist.”

Her animal side has a hunger that won’t subside
Her appetite has awoken from deep inside
And Bird says,
“Don’t need a man, I need some apple pie.”

Birds flying through the orchard now
When she hears that cool cats meow
He’s hanging from those tree limbs
Birds looking like a meal to him

“Don’t you ever get distracted
When cats and snakes are wicked?”
Bird says with her innocence.
“That strange fruit I can’t resist”

“Eat from this, I insist.”

Her animal side has a hunger that won’t subside
Her appetite has awoken from deep inside
And Bird says,
“Don’t need a man, I need some apple pie.”

"You're sweet as pie, my sweetie pie"
But any boy can swing round
Easy as pie

Too apt to purr at strangers praise
Birdy became amenities
She ripens from saint to sin
But are we guilty as Eve’s kin?

“Eat from this, I insist.”

A womans pride can only take so much at a time
Our animal side has a hunger that won’t be denied
Cause Bird said,
“Don’t need a man, I need some apple pie.”

Sedona Hutch

2009-04-05T08:14:00.001-07:00

While mattress shopping a couple weeks ago, John and I spotted this beauty. It's the only piece of furniture we both fell in love with immediately! It has slate inlays, with glass and oak solid wood. Unfortunately, it's out of our price range at the moment.

How to make a Pantyliner & Diva Cups

2009-03-26T03:46:00.000-07:00

This is for a four layer non moisture proofed cloth panty liner.

The DivaCup is an internally worn reusable menstrual cup that is used to collect your menstrual flow.

Support Group

2009-03-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

I found this great site http://www.mdjunction.com/ which is an online support group. Seems there's just about anything you can think of. I'm doing Lupus and Fibro.

Electrolysed Water

2009-03-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

Electrolyzed water rivals chlorine and heat for killing E. coli, salmonella and listeria...

The inspirational muse...

2009-03-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

PIERIDES is the patronymic of the nine daughters of King Pieros of Emathia. They challenged the Muses to a contest of song, which they lost, and the Muses, in revenge, changed the presumptuous maidens into magpies (Met V.294-678; OM V.1763-1832). The Muses themselves are also called Pierides because their most ancient seat of worship was in Pieria. They were said to be the daughters of Jupiter and Mnemosyne, but their father was also said to be Pieros of Macedonia. Pierides is then either their byname of location or their patronymic.

The Man of Law says that on no account does he want to be compared with the Muses called Pierides and gives Metamorphoses as his source, MLI 90-95. The word, however, does not occur in Metamorphoses; the daughters of King Pieros are called by their byname of location, Emathides (Met V.669). Virgil uses Pierides throughout his Eclogae, and it is possible that Chaucer may have come across the word there. The narrator praises Venus, Cupid, and the Nine Sisters because through them he has told the story of Troilus's service, Tr III.1807-1920.

The Muses (Ancient Greek αἱ μοῦσαι, hai moũsai [1]: perhaps from the Proto-Indo-European root *men- "think"[2]) in Greek mythology, poetry, and literature are the goddesses or spirits who inspire the creation of literature and the arts. They were considered the source of the knowledge, related orally for centuries in the ancient culture, that was contained in poetic lyrics and myths.

Originally said to be three in number, by the Classical times of the 400s BC, their number had grown and become set at nine goddesses who embody the arts and inspire the creation process with their graces through remembered and improvised song and stage, writing, traditional music, and dance.

In one myth, King Pieride, once king of Mazedonia, had nine daughters he named after the nine Muses, believing that their skills were a great match to the Muses (mousi). He thus challenged the Muses to a match, resulting in his daughters being turned into magpies and jackdaws. In Greek Mythology these nine daughters of the king usually are referred to as the Pierides.

Sometimes they are referred to as water nymphs, associated with the springs of Helicon and with Pieris.

The Olympian myths set Apollo as their leader, Apollon Mousagetēs. Not only are the Muses explicitly used in modern English to refer to an inspiration, as when one cites one's own artistic muse, but they also are implicit in words and phrases such as "amuse", "museum"(changed from muselon--a place were the muses were worshipped), "music", and "musing upon".[3]

According to Hesiod's Theogony (seventh century BC), they were daughters of Zeus, the second generation king of the gods, and the offspring of Mnemosyne, goddess of memory. For Alcman and Mimnermus, they were even more primordial, springing from the early deities, Uranus and Gaia. Gaia is Mother Earth, an early mother goddess who was worshipped at Delphi from prehistoric times, long before the site was rededicated to Apollo, possibly indicating a transfer to association with him after that time. Pausanias records a tradition of two generations of Muses; the first being daughters of Uranus and Gaia, the second of Zeus and Mnemosyne. Another, rarer genealogy is that they are daughters of Harmonia (the daughter of Aphrodite and Ares) which contradicts the myth in which they were dancing at the wedding of Harmonia and Cadmus. This later inconsistency is an example of how clues to the true dating, or chronology, of myths may be determined by the appearance of figures and concepts in Greek myths.[citation needed]

Compare the Roman inspiring nymphs of springs, the Camenae, the Völva of Norse Mythology and also the apsaras in the mythology of classical India.

Eat Raw Food, Boycott Krap!

2009-02-22T05:35:00.002-08:00

Eat Raw Food, Boycott Pasturized, Processed Krap!

High-Fructose Corn Syrup Contains Mercury

2009-02-22T05:35:00.001-08:00

MORE FUEL FOR MY FIRE:

Study Finds High-Fructose Corn Syrup Contains Mercury
Half of batches tested positive, third of popular sweetened products
showed traces
MONDAY, Jan. 26 (HealthDay News) -- Almost half of tested samples of
commercial high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) contained mercury, which
was also found in nearly a third of 55 popular brand-name food and
beverage products where HFCS is the first- or second-highest labeled
ingredient, according to two new U.S. studies.
HFCS has replaced sugar as the sweetener in many beverages and foods
such as breads, cereals, breakfast bars, lunch meats, yogurts, soups
and condiments. On average, Americans consume about 12 teaspoons per
day of HFCS, but teens and other high consumers can take in 80
percent more HFCS than average.
"Mercury is toxic in all its forms. Given how much high-fructose corn
syrup is consumed by children, it could be a significant additional
source of mercury never before considered. We are calling for
immediate changes by industry and the [U.S. Food and Drug
Administration] to help stop this avoidable mercury contamination of
the food supply," said the Institute for Agriculture and Trade
Policy's Dr. David Wallinga, a co-author of both studies.
In the first study, researchers found detectable levels of mercury in
nine of 20 samples of commercial HFCS. The study was published in
current issue of Environmental Health.
In the second study, the agriculture group found that nearly one in
three of 55 brand-name foods contained mercury. The chemical was most
common in HFCS-containing dairy products, dressings and condiments.
The use of mercury-contaminated caustic soda in the production of
HFCS is common. The contamination occurs when mercury cells are used
to produce caustic soda.
"The bad news is that nobody knows whether or not their soda or snack
food contains HFCS made from ingredients like caustic soda
contaminated with mercury. The good news is that mercury-free HFCS
ingredients exist. Food companies just need a good push to only use
those ingredients," Wallinga said.
More information
The U.S. Agency for Toxic Substances & Disease Registry has more
about mercury and health.
-- Robert Preidt
SOURCE: Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy, news release,
Jan. 26, 2009
Last Updated: Jan. 26, 2009
Copyright (c) 2009 ScoutNews, LLC. All rights reserved.

Go Green!

2009-02-12T05:04:00.000-08:00

Here's an awesome article by crazysexylife:

Go Green!
There are so many dynamite ways to get the green glow. Here are just a few breezy solutions.
v
1. Go Veg! Today it’s nearly impossible to be an environmentalist and still chow tushie (aka carcass, aka meat). Animal agribusiness is the one of the biggest contributors to green house gas, water pollution, ocean acidification, deforestation, fossil fuel depletion, political strife, poverty AND rising disease rates! Be a part of the sexy solution. The rivers will thank you. The oceans, trees, soil, and air will bow to you. Sentient beings will hug you with grateful tears in their eyes. Say goodbye to morbidly expanding waste lines, high cholesterol, artery and colon stuffies, zoomin’ insulin and the increased risk of developing cancer and other annoying diseases. Prevention is HOT, sickness sucks - GO VEG!

2. Eat local and organic. Though it’s always summer somewhere, do we really need a jet flown peach from Chile? When possible shop local, buy organic, and support CSA’s. If cost is an issue buy conventional, but stay away from the 12 most sprayed.

3. Dump junk mail and catalogs. Each year over 100 million trees are massacred and turned into junk mail. Consequently, paper makes up 1/3 of the trash mountains in our bloated landfills. I don’t know about you, but I value oxygen (a trees main job) more than a Pottery Barn catalog or Sweepstake teaser. JunkBusters.com GreenDimes.com

4. Boycott plastic bags! They’re a petroleum nightmare with an eternal impact. Out planet wilts under the weigh of plastic. Countless land and sea creatures die every year as a result of mistaking plastic bags for food or getting tangled in their wicked web. Sassy Chico Bags and Biobags are just a few of the many solutions.

5. Go paperless by paying bills online. It’s quicker and saves sexy resources. Just imagine the fuel it takes to deliver your AT&T bill!

6. Cloth napkins rule, they’re funky and environmentally friendly.

7. Bring your own reusable sippers! The average coffee or tea to-go cup takes about 100 years to breakdown. Styrofoam is FOREVER. Plastic bottles? Thumbs down! They leach destructive chemicals into our delicate internal eco-systems. Ever stop and think about all that take-out silverware we mindlessly discard? Why not bring your own travel mug, Klean Kanteen, or To-go ware to your favorite take-out joint? SEXY!

8. Use natural household cleaners. Toxic household spray & scrubs should come with hazmat suits. Protect yourself and your family by moving to natural cleaners. They smell great and are safe and savy! Remember, you absorb what you put on your skin AND what you use in your house.

9. Use a green “dry” cleaner. Dry cleaning agents are dangerous for you and for the planet. When possible use green cleaners or buy clothes that don’t require acid bath professional dip & drys.

10. Use natural skincare products. Your skin is your largest organ, so if you wouldn’t drink a cup of Jergen’s (for example) for goddess sake, don’t put it on your skin! Choose yummy, safe alternatives. Clueless about what brands are safe? Go to Skindeep.org

11. Switch your bulbs. You’ve heard this a millions times before but compact fluorescent bulbs really do make a difference. Yes, they’re still kinda ugly, but you can always install dimmers!

12. Change the AC Filter. In the summer, I personally prefer fans and an open window to AC, less stuffy, more better air circulation. Optimize your energy use (and bill) by cleaning or replacing dirty air conditioner filters.

13. Air Dry Your Clothes. Line-dry your clothes in the spring and summer instead of using the dryer, how retro Grannie chic!

14. As my dad used to say: “Turn off the damn lights” and “Do we really need to heat the entire neighborhood?” Thanks Dad! Though I thought he was a real pain-in-the-ass when I was a teen, turns out he was right! Turning off the lights is an obvious solution. But did you know that by adjusting your heater thermostat down two degrees in winter and up two degrees in the summer you can save BIG BUCKS?

15. Optimize the energy you use by installing storm windows. Caulk and weather strip your doorways and windows. Safecoat caulking is a nontoxic option. Add natural insulation, especially in the attic.

16. Inflate Your Tires. Keep the tires on your car adequately inflated. Check them monthly and save around 250 lbs. of carbon dioxide and $840 per year.

17. Use power strips and unplug appliances when not in use! Even when electronic devices are turned off, they still suck loads of energy.

18. Compost! Since we started composting we have drastically reduced the amount of garbage we generate. Buying minimally packaged goods help too. Less packaging can reduce your garbage by about 10%.

19. Do you really need to let the water run when you’re brushing AND flossing your choppers? Nope.

20. Have sex by candlelight! Preferably with a non-toxic, eco-friendly mood setter.

The Greasecar Lives: February 8. 2009

2009-02-08T16:31:00.001-08:00

The Greasecar Jetta is finally here! As of today, we're running our 2002 Volkswagen Jetta on grease, straight from a restaurant frier. Filtered of course, and with a greasekit from greasecar.com (just to make life simple) we're one step further from the man.

Validation

2009-02-06T10:12:00.000-08:00

"Validation" is a fable about the magic of free parking. Starring TJ Thyne & Vicki Davis. Writer/Director/Composer - Kurt Kuenne. Winner - Best Narrative Short, Cleveland Int'l Film Festival, Wi...

Oedipus Hanged

2009-01-29T17:42:00.000-08:00

I also saw angels Epicaste mother of Oedipodes whose awful lot it was to marry her own son without suspecting it. He married her after having killed his father, but the gods proclaimed the whole story to the world; whereon he remained king of Thebes, in great grief for the spite the gods had borne him; but Epicaste went to the house of the mighty jailor Hades, having hanged herself for grief, he also was mad and the avenging spirits haunted him as for an outraged mother- to his ruing bitterly thereafter.

Macisteus went once to Thebes after the fall of Oedipus, to attend his funeral, and he beat all the people of Cadmus.

Stupid

2009-01-13T06:14:00.000-08:00

Snowflakes are falling
Oh, how you hear a faint crying
You're cozing and warm, so that must be
Me, cause my car won't start

Cause I am stupid
For buying a diesel in Minnesota
Where it's always below zero
In Minnesota
Oh I am stupid for buying a diesel

My Jetta gets like 45 miles per gallon
So I thought I was so smart I even run a grease car
But by my car still won't start

So I'm still stupid
For buying a diesel in Minnesota
Now I'm walking in a snow storm
In Minnesota
Oh I am stupid for buying a diesel

Lets give it about 20 tries
And pray to the gods "please start this time"
And nothings gonna bring me down
But days sure gonna be long

Cause I was stupid
For buying a diesel in Minnesota
So I'm walking and it's 30 below zero
In Minnesota
Oh I am stupid for buying a diesel
In Minnesota

Magnetica

2009-01-12T14:28:00.000-08:00

Came aross this website. Cool art.

Photobucket

2009-01-09T06:57:00.000-08:00

Dumping some photos to Photobucket

Some Random Photos Worth Mentioning

2009-01-08T18:29:00.001-08:00

Flaming June

2009-01-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

The Awkward Way the Swan Walks

2009-01-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

Crossing the Unknown Sea (excerpt)
by David Whyte

You have ripened already, and you are waiting to be brought in. Your exhaustion is a form of inner fermentation. You are beginning, ever so slowly to rot on the vine.

The dark bottle stood there in preparation for a guest I would be seeing that night. I dropped into a chair and looked at the unopened bottle and the sea and the sky for a very long time. I could feel how utterly exhausted I was in body and spirit, and how much I needed to talk with someone, anyone, but also how marvelous it was that the person arriving to share that bottle had exactly the kind of perspectives I needed at that moment.

I could see Brother David already in my mind's eye, sitting across from me with the glass of wine in front of him on the coffee table. A book of Rilke's poetry balanced on his knees. He was reciting Rilke in his rich, Austrian inflection, the sounds emanating not only from deep within his body but also from far inside some powerful understanding mediated by long years of silence and prayer, Brother David was my kind of monk; no stranger to silence but equally at home in the robust world of work, its words, and its meanings. He also loved poetry with a passion similar to my own, and exhibited a far-reaching intellect and a far-reaching imagination in its exploration. You might be impressed by his extraordinary capacity for compassion, but it did not mean he would let any unthinking assertion pass him by without a challenge or a clarification.

A few hours later, Brother David was indeed sitting in that empty chair. The bottle framed by darkness now in the window, and the cork sitting next to it. He was turning the pages of the Rilke book with one hand and sipping from his glass with the other. I had a second copy of the book but it sat on my lap unopened. After the first sip of cabernet, I felt as if I was in a deep well of fatigue looking up toward a tiny ellipse of light flickering at the surface. I felt as if the tiny light might disappear altogether and the waters flow over me if I didn't say something soon. I looked at Brother David, whose eyes had just lit up with the discovery of a poem to begin our evening, and heard him begin to read.

Diese Mühsal, durch noch Ungetanes
schwer und wie gebunden hinzugehn,
gleicht dem ugeschaffnenGang des Schwanes.
I found the poem in my own book and read, on the opposing page, Robert Bly's marvelous translation.

This clumsy living that moves lumbering
as if in ropes through what is not done,
reminds us of the awkward way the swan walks.

And to die, which is the letting go
of the ground we stand on and cling to every day,
is like the swan, when he nervously lets himself down
into the water, which receives him gaily
and which flows joyfully under
and after him, wave after wave,
while the swan, unmoving and marvelously calm,
is pleased to be carried, each moment more fully grown,
more like a king, further and further on.

-Translated by Robert Bly

I read the lines, seeing the image of the swan being borne on the waters so effortlessly, and thought of my own days so full of will and effort. I looked up at Brother David, the nearest thing I had to a truly wise person in my life, and found myself almost blurting.

"Brother David?"

I uttered it in such an old, petitionary, Catholic way that I almost thought he was going to say,"Yes, my son?"But he did not; he turned his face toward me, following the spontaneous note of desperate sincerity, and simply waited.

"Tell me about exhaustion," I said.

He looked at me with an acute, searching, compassionate ferocity for the briefest of moments, as if trying to sum up the entirety of the situation and without missing a beat, as if he had been waiting all along, to say a life-changing thing to me. He said, in the form both of a question and an assertion:

"You know that the antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest?"

"The antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest," I repeated woodenly, as if I might exhaust myself completely before I reached the end of the sentence. "What is it, then?"

"The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness."

He looked at me for a wholehearted moment, as if I should fill in the blanks. But I was a blank to be filled at that moment, and though I knew something pivotal had been said, I had not the wherewithal to say anything in reply. So he carried on:

"You are so tired through and through because a good half of what you do here in this organization has nothing to do with your true powers, or the place you have reached in your life. You are only half here, and half here will kill you after a while. You need something to which you can give your full powers. You know what that is; I don't have to tell you."

He didn't have to tell me. Brother David knew I wanted my work to be my poetry.

"Go on," I said.

"You are like Rilke's Swan in his awkward waddling across the ground; the swan doesn't cure his awkwardness by beating himself on the back, by moving faster, or by trying to organize himself better. He does it by moving toward the elemental water where he belongs. It is the simple contact with the water that gives him grace and presence. You only have to touch the elemental waters in your own life, and it will transform everything. But you have to let yourself down into those waters from the ground on which you stand, and that can be hard. Particularly if you think you might drown." He looked down and read again.

And to die, which is the letting go
Of the ground we stand on and cling to every day

He looked up again, warming to the theme, I was getting a good talking-to. "This nervously letting yourself down, this ängst -lichen Sich-Niederlassen, as it says in the German, takes courage, and the word courage in English comes from the old French word cuer, heart. You must do something heartfelt, and you must do it soon. Let go of all this effort, and let yourself down, however awkwardly, into the waters of the work you want for yourself. It's all right, you know, to support yourself with something secondary until your work has ripened, but once it has ripened to a transparent fullness, it has to be gathered in. You have ripened already, and you are waiting to be brought in. Your exhaustion is a form of inner fermentation. You are beginning, ever so slowly" he hesitated "to rot on the vine."

I gave an involuntary shiver at that last image, and recoiled from the prospect. It was a prospect of an early death experienced while still alive and it jolted me out of my exhausted torpor, as if some imaginative adrenaline was now beginning to flow through my system. I looked back at him, and realized that simply in the act of coming awake for a moment, my tiredness was falling away. His words had helped to lower me deeper into myself, down into some imaginative buoyancy, had plucked me off the vine; whatever the metaphor of harvest or arrival, it was happening right there in the room. From outside the window you would have seen a younger man and an older man speaking intently over two glasses of wine, their books put aside, You would see the younger one lean forward, purse his lips, say something, laugh, and sit back again. You would have seen a moment of light intimacy; you would not have known anything had changed profoundly for the younger man in that instant. But everything had changed.

I said, "That's it, that's it exactly." I sat back. What came to my mind even as he was speaking, were the faces of all my colleagues in the organization, with whom I would have to have those difficult, courageous conversations in order to change my work; change my work more toward teaching, more toward speaking, more toward poetry. It was a daunting prospect, but I wouldn't be put off the task. I was so shaken by the moment in the doorway earlier that day and by the strong, pivotal words of Brother David's that I took those conversations as a felt challenge and discipline from that moment on. I realized I had nowhere else to go.

Sandwich Loaf

2009-01-01T13:58:00.000-08:00

Strange the things you think of... Maybe it's all the tequila I've had today - unlocking places in my brain that aren't usually available for accessing. That always happens when I'm drinking.

Anyway, onward! The sandwich loaf = childhood memories. Food Migration.

New Year; New Site

2008-12-31T13:31:00.000-08:00

I thought along with the new year, I'd kick off the welcome of a new website! Yeah, I know. I just did one at the start of this blog. Yeah, get used to it. I create websites to fit to my stage in life, to use and hone my skills and imagination, and keep my mind organized. I find my webpage can be a reflection of my mind. If it's a mess, I feel like a mess and vise versa.

Some kinks, and some dead links...EmilyJayne.com

W760a

2008-12-27T05:25:00.000-08:00

Futzing with my new cell phone today (it's pretty awesome.)

Panacea

2008-12-16T04:41:00.000-08:00

In Greek mythology, Panacea was the goddess of healing. She was the daughter of Asclepius, god of medicine, and the granddaughter of Apollo, god of healing (among other things).

Panacea was said to have a poultice or potion with which she healed the sick. This brought about the concept of the panacea in medicine. 'Panace' is also the term for heal-all herbs, and an Asterix character.

The Sharper Your Knife, The Less You Cry

2008-12-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

Just finished The Sharper Your Knife, The Less you Cry by Kathleen Flinn. A true story of food, romance, Paris and a lifelong dream: a degree from famed Le Cordon Bleu culinary school.

Here's the publisher's description from Kathleen's website:

In 2003, Kathleen Flinn, a thirty-six-year-old American living and working in London, returned from vacation to find that her corporate job had been eliminated. Ignoring her mother's advice that she get another job immediately or "never get hired anywhere ever again," Flinn instead cleared out her savings and moved to Paris to pursue a dream-a diploma from the famed Le Cordon Bleu.

The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry is the touching and remarkably funny account of Flinn's transformation as she moves through the school's intense program and falls deeply in love along the way. Flinn interweaves more than two dozen recipes with a unique look inside Le Cordon Bleu amid battles with demanding chefs, competitive classmates, and her "wretchedly inadequate" French. Flinn offers a vibrant portrait of Paris, one in which the sights and sounds of the city's street markets and purveyors come alive in rich detail.

The ultimate wish fulfillment book, her story is a true testament to pursuing a dream. Fans of Julie & Julia, My LIfe in France, and Eat, Pray, Love will be amused, inspired, and richly rewarded by this seductive tale of romance, Paris, and French food. (OK, so that's what my publisher says...)

The aliens and Roswell

2008-12-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

My new couch potato obsession (like Dawson's Creek [which I hate] but with aliens) - check 'em out:

http://www.hulu.com/roswell

Minnesota Moon, Jupiter and Venus on December 1st

2008-12-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

This just in ~ "Mr. Dick"

2008-12-02T05:19:00.000-08:00

When Cheshire cats and queen of broken hearts dance, it's time to call for a beheading.

New Video: "See It My Way" ~ Emily Jayne

2008-11-10T09:22:00.000-08:00

I never thought I could sail in a bathtub. Now for the rubber ducky... :)

New Video: "Aquarius Gone" ~ Emily Jayne

2008-11-06T04:52:00.000-08:00

Where the fire pixies can roam freely and frolic.